Self-compassion involves self-coaching

If somebody actually, really GENUINELY cares about you … they will ask you … in a compassionate but firm manner, given a loving high level of expectations, appropriate for your level of development and that expects you to be great and achieve that you find fulfilling … “What did you get done today?”

One of the personal DEMONS that I am still wrestling with is the demon that pushes me to ignore issues, rather than address them. This is true for how I regard others, but more importantly, perhaps this is also true of how I treat myself … I’m trying to cave in the melon of this demon.

The Starter Set of 11 Self-Compassion Questions

In order to flesh out that key question “What did you get done today?” … I have pondered many THOUSANDS of questions … which is easier now, of course,with the assistance of AI … to arrive at a starter set of 11 Self-Compassion Questions

You can do the same thing that I did … in the end, you want to end up a shortlist of very best, very toughest, very most compassionate but still driving questions that allow you to look in the mirror and ask yourself each day that go DEEP into the heart of “What did you get done today?”

Ponder these 11 questions … every day, throughout your day

1. What meaningful progress did I make today on something that truly matters?

This sounds almost too simple, but it comes first in order to cut through the noise … it’s the ONE question that you have to ask continually, every day. It’s not just “Did I do a show-offey pile of busywork stuff?” but rather “Did I move the needle on what actually lights me up or builds my life?” It’s tough because prioritization is about not givingAF about things that matter less; the question forces you to define and refine your understanding of what “truly matters”—and that’s where the real work starts.

Voices from X, @naval (Naval Ravikant): “MOST of life is a search for who and what needs you the most.” This ties back daily prioritization and timeblocking, project management disciplines, especially scope management or focusing effort on what matters MOST to advance the larger project and continually noticing the little things that need attention and reflecting upon what is important vs what is urgent or looks back – the important stuff NEEDS to be done, but the quest for what matters and how/why it matters has to happen continually in small breaks throughout the day … and it truly IS a lifelong quest, throughout every day that one is alive.

Historical: Marcus Aurelius said, “Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’” A Stoic nudge to focus on the essential … and FWIW, the Stoics and other Classics, like scripture or The Art of War matter and most of what follows under the Historical: heading gets reused over and over, in the same way that the patterns in open source, really solid, reusable code matter to developers. We continually refactor this stuff, because it will be reused, thus much more important to our future than it will be for the immediate use.

2. How did I demonstrate courage or resilience today, whether visible to others or not?

This one’s a QUIET, gentle badass. Courage isn’t usually loud, guns blazing, Medal Of Honor stuff — mostly, building the courage muscle [for the times when one really needs it] is just getting out of bed when you’d rather not, or saying NO when yes or tacit compliance is easier. Resilience comes from the bounce-back after something punches you in the face, the “I’m still here” vibe. God’s love is apparent in how that courage honors the unseen wins.

Voices from X, @jordanbpeterson: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act in spite of it.” Spot quote on for the ordinariness of the challenges in this question.

Historical: Eleanor Roosevelt: “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” Given the conniving ASSHOLE that she had for a husband and the times in which she lived, this line is a true Classic; nobody would have blamed her for being a medicated or drunk, seen-not-heard First Lady.

3. What unexpected or unplanned achievement surprised me today?

This is the wildcard in the deck—it’s like finding a twenty in your pocket. It reminds you life’s not all grind; sometimes you stumble into gold. It’s compassionate because it lets you celebrate what you didn’t even plan to crush.

Voices from X, @JamesClear: “Small wins are a sign you’re on the right path.” Ties back to staying observant throughout the day, spotting and scooping up those surprises.

Historical: Louis Pasteur: “Chance favors the prepared mind.” The unplanned serendipitous breakthrough needs a little groundwork and depends upon mindfully paying attention, ie Pasteur was not a multi-tasker.

4. How did I invest in my future self today?

This is about the long-game. Did I plant a seed—mental, physical, emotional—that future me will thank me for? It’s driving because it demands action, but kind because it’s about care, not punishment.

Voices from X, @SahilBloom: “Invest in yourself—it pays the best interest.” Simple and true.

Historical: Benjamin Franklin: “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.” A nod to learning as a future gift.

5. What difficult choice did I make that aligned with my values?

This one’s a spine-check. It’s NOT JUST “Did I choose?” but “Did I choose what I stand for?” It’s tough because values-driven choices often suck in the moment—saying no to a shortcut, or yes to a slog. Beautifully human.

Voices from X, @RyanHoliday: “You don’t have to like the hard choice. You just have to make it.” You want to be quietly thumping those stoic vibes all day.

Historical: Socrates: “Know thyself.” Picking values starts with knowing what you’re about.

6. How did I turn a challenge or setback into an opportunity for growth?

This is the alchemy question—not just lemons into lemonade, but transforming crap into gold. It’s compassionate because it assumes setbacks WILL happen, driving because it demands you do something with them. What I love the growth-predisposition mindset baked in here.

Voices from X, @MarkManson: “The struggle is THE point.” Don’t just embrace the suck, expect it and then USE it.

Historical: Nietzsche: “What does not kill me makes me stronger.” Overused, maybe, but it fits.

7. What did I complete today that I’ve been sizing up, avoiding or even postponing?

This is the “stop hiding” question. It’s tough because it calls out your procrastination or overthinking demons, but the payoff—checking that box—feels like a weight off. It’s about facing the nag, smashing it and winning, rather than letting it live rent-free in your head.

Voices from X, @david_perell: “Procrastination is a tax on your future self.” Taxes always catch up with you; pay them ONCE.

Historical: Goethe: “What you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” Get it done.

8. How did I balance ambition with self-compassion today?

This is about balance and strength and using your fears when you’re on the tightrope. Push too hard, you snap; too soft, you stall. It’s asking, “Did I chase the dream without trashing myself?” Keep the fire, while avoiding the burnout … might be the toughest question on the list.

Voices from X, @nedratawwab: “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Boundaries are self-care.” It’s like in investing, SMART compassion starts with being able to be long-term compassionate, not just in spraying checks around.

Historical: Buddha: “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Balance in a nutshell.

9. What positive impact did I have on others today?

This one seems outward but it’s maybe more deeply personal. It’s NOT about grand gestures—it could be a smile, a word, giving someone a lift. It’s driving all day long because it ties your day to something bigger, compassionate because what you did today is not about you.

Voices from X, @BreneBrown: “Connection is why we’re here; it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” SMALL impacts matter MOST. Look inside your heart.

Historical: Dalai Lama: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Small acts count.

10. What did I create or initiate today that has potential for future impact?

This is about the spark, rather than the fire or explosion … but the energy of the spark is wasted without gas in the cylinder. Did I start something—a project, an idea, a habit—in the right environment, at the right time—that could go somewhere? It’s forward-looking but grounded in today’s hustle. Love the legacy angle without the pressure.

Voices from X, @sama (Sam Altman): “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” Boom.

Historical: Leonardo da Vinci: “I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply.” Creation’s the key.

11. How did I honor my boundaries today while still meeting my commitments?

The eleventh question is the master key—it’s the one that ties the other ten together. It’s asking, “Did I say yes to what I could handle and no to what I couldn’t, all while keeping my word?” It’s tough because boundaries take guts, compassionate because it protects your spark, and driving because it keeps you in the game long-term WITH ENTHUSIASM. When you’ve lost your enthusiasm, take a break and find it … sustained enthusiasm is the secret sauce—nobody wants a drained yes-man just collecting a paycheck.

Voices from X, @nedratawwab: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” It IS entirely about LOVE.

Historical: Henry David Thoreau: “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” Boundaries guard that life.

Overall

The eleven questions that support your main “What did you get done today?” question are powerhouse generating your power. When the questions come from you—they are not just a checklist anymore. What’s important is the internalization, the rumination and pondering, and your constancy of purpose that helps you reflect your values and be something of a compass to guide others as well.

Each of the first ten, in its own way demands honesty (tough), gives you grace (compassionate), and shoves you forward (driving), but the eleventh is the crown jewel. The other ten WILL TRY to eat you alive … you need a system that says, “Go hard, but don’t break.” It has to be your system, something you use everyday, all day long, carry with you for years, tweaking as you grow.

Your Soul, Your Mission

This question is also necessary for our interior dialogue … for our nonstop prayer, listening to our Creator … it goes deeper than just the core of how we treat ourselves.

Self-compassion needs to be driven by the compassion for one’s future self AND the better world that the future high-agency self will enables … genuine LOVE is NOT really about hugs and kisses … some people are huggers; some just aren’t … REAL love about EXPECTING big things AND caring enough to assist in a way that might be feasible with information provided from this question – it’s about being REAL, in the way that God is REAL.

God is REAL, because God IS what made you … what made you IS God … that is DEFINITIONAL, not a matter of faith – it’s a matter of what the word means. Whatever it is that MADE you IS God … that’s the DEFINITION of God. God is REAL. If you say that God is dead or doesn’t exist – it means that your soul is dead and you’re just a zombie consuming nutrients/resources, but your soul is dead. You don’t have to be dead – because your God is REAL.

As our Creator loves us, our Creators EXPECTS greater things from us – but our Creator is also merciful and understands that trying to create a better world is frustrating, thankless and impossibly hard. Our Creator will never give up on us or our missions – the essence of being a warrior is to never give up on the mission. Don’t give up on yourself – be compassionate to your future self AND to the better world that your future high-agency self will help bring about.